Why Unknown Stayed Out of the Jaehee Route
by AgentShade199
Summary: Crack fic revealing Unknown's seldom appearance throughout Jaehee's route and endings.


There she was.

There, exiting the doorway of the C&R building, was the woman Saeran was looking for. The woman he found upon his precious, superior Savior's request.

She had made her request last week, along with the threat that if he didn't find this woman, carefully and precisely, she'd take away all of his laundry hampers. Which may not sound inherently bad; however, before Savior took him to Paradise, he was living in a world where laundry hampers ceased to exist.

Actually, in that world, not even _laundry_ existed. His damned, backstabbing heathen of a mother refused to buy a washing machine, because she was worried about getting drunk enough to mistake detergent for tequila. So Saeran was forced to wear the same three pairs of shirts, pants, and underwear until they smelled like they came from a lion's den. Whenever that occurred, his damned, backstabbing heathen of a mother would make him dig a grave for the poor clothes while she bought him three more pairs, as well as 1985 vodka fermented in Bulgaria or Belgium or somewhere.

Saeran didn't really know, or care, for that matter. Point is, Savior made him clean clothing privileged, and in no way, shape, or form was he going to lose such a wondrous privilege. That, and Savior had done so much for him; how could be refuse to pay her back by not finding a woman that managed to look like a man while having an inconsistent breast size simultaneously?

To Saeran's surprise, it didn't take as long to find Jaehee as he had expected; it took only 5 days, 13 hours, 17 minutes, 31 seconds, 826 milliseconds, 579,376 microseconds, and 162,038,432 picoseconds. He wanted to believe it was because of his mad hacking skillz, but honestly, it was only because of how famous her boss was. That is, the emotionless, headcanoned demisexualson of the second richest man in South Korea. The same man who claims to be Christian, but instead of spending Sunday mornings going to Church, he worshiped his pet kitty cat by giving her a tongue bath. Basically, information Saeran could have gone his _entire_ life without ever having to know. But What Can You Do?™

Anyway.

Saeran stayed crouching behind a bush as he watched Jaehee walk further away from the building. When she was far enough that his footsteps were out of earshot, he followed her. He stopped when she saw her stop at the bus stop. He didn't move again until the bus arrived.

Jaehee was one of the first to enter and sat near the front. Saeran was one of the last and sat near the back. Well, he _would_ have sat near the back. Except there were two preteen girls weren't occupying the back row, hysterically crying over the fact that some K-pop star didn't respond to a tweet they tagged him in 20 minutes after posting it. Saeran didn't want to sit on seats covered in snot and eyeliner-coated tears, so he sat around the middle instead.

The middle proved to be quite a pleasure for Saeran, as he witnessed a bluebird fly straight into a window and smear blood and guts everywhere. Most people were fairly alarmed after witnessing such a sight, but Saeran began giggling. He stopped the moment he received strange looks. He tried scowling like an angry bear with strep throat to get them to stop. It mostly worked.

Once Jaehee got off the bus using the front exit, Saeran slithered off the back one. He turned his back towards Jaehee and took a few steps in the opposite direction. He waited a few moments before turning back around and trail her once more. He walked quietly for a block, but stopped suddenly when he nearly tripped over the rock.

"Oh-" Saeran bit his lip just as a sound escaped. He bit it harder as pain surged. He nearly gasped in alarm when he heard a different voice:

"Bitch! The _hell_ you think you doin' trippin' over me?"

Saeran jerked his head around, more confused when there were no people in sight.

"Down here, motherfucker!"

In front of him on the sidewalk was a small rock. But this was no ordinary rock; it had eyes and a mouth. Its eyes looked like googly eyes and its mouth looked like one of a cartoon character, yet both managed to look realistic. Anyone else would have questioned how a rock of this nature managed to exist. But Saeran was too annoyed by this abnormality to wonder such things.

"Shut up! You're the talking rock lying in the middle of the sidewalk, you weirdo!"

" _Excuuuuuuse_ me? What did you call me just now, youn' man?"

"Pfft, you heard me." Saeran drew his leg back to kick the rock.

"Oh no. _Ohhhh no_. You are _not_ goin' to kick me in the anus right now, sassypants. Stop right there."

Being too self-righteous to listen to a rock, Saeran proceeded to kick it anyway. However, instead of rolling down the sidewalk, on to the road, or into the void, it bit the front of Saeran's shoe.

And man, oh man. He did not expect the bite to hurt as much as did.

He let out a yowl, now sounding like a dying bear recovering from strep throat. After a moment of panic, he began shaking his leg violently. He shook it until the rock's grip faltered and went flying. Not down the sidewalk, on the road, or into the void, but through the sky. As it soared, it screeched, "I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIIIISSSS. . . ."

Saeran watched the rock until it vanished from his view. Than he looked ahead of him. Jaehee was long gone.

"Fuck."

He took off running, only stopping when he passed by a turn to a new road. He would stop to see if Jaehee had turned on to it. This cycle went on with four turns; at the fifth, he caught her brown hair in the distance just in time before making another turn.

Saeran ran until he approached the next turn, then slowed to his original stealthy walk. He continued this walk as he followed Jaehee into her apartment complex. He stopped when she entered the elevator and pressed the button to her floor. When it closed, he saw the floor number on a screen above the door. He found the stairs and took those instead, only stopping upon a wild goose chase between the 2nd and 3rd floor.

Literally.

Apparently, some dimwit had fed 3 geese by the local pond, and they had followed him into the complex. They had trapped him in the staircase, squawking and pecking at him in demand for more food, unable to comprehend the fact he had already given him his entire week's worth of groceries.

The geese ignored Saeran, and the dimwit begged him to help. He almost considered, but immediately realized how hypocritical he would be if he did. So he sniggered instead, entertained by not only geese causing pain, but geese causing a similar kind of pain he was about to cause.

Just as Saeran stepped out of the staircase, Jaehee was walking away from the elevator. He stepped towards her slowly as she unlocked her door. After she entered, he stood idle in the hallway for around 15 minutes; sooner than that would raise more suspicion that she had been followed.

Biting back a shit-eating grin, Saeran rang her doorbell. Moments later, Jaehee opened the door. Her eyes were half open at first; however, upon seeing his . .unique appearance, her eyes widened. She hesitated before speaking.

"Um. . .may I help you?"

Saeran made a small giggle. It might have been cute, if it hadn't come from someone so unnerving.

"Why yes, you can. That's why I'm here."

"Oh. . ." Jaehee's expression was puzzled, but she made no effort to end the conversation. "How can I help you? Are you looking for someone who lives here?"

"Oh, I've already found who I'm looking for. I just need some. . . _compliance_."

Jaehee's eyes became wider. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Jaehee-"

"How do you know my name?"

"Silence. All I need is for you to come with me. Do what I say, and no one gets hurt."

"Come with you where?" Her eyes narrowed. "There's no way Mr. Han sent you. . ."

"Jumin Han? Oh, I don't need him. I just need you."

"Need me for _what_?"

Saeran let his shit-eating grin blossom. "For Paradise."

" _Paradise_?" Jaehee took a small step back, closing the door by just a crack. "Who _are_ you? What in the _world_ is Paradise?"

"You can find out, if you just come with me." Saeran smirked.

"Why should I come with you?" Jaehee asked. "I have never even met you."

"You have now. Besides, what better things are there for you here? Working for Jumin Han? Watching Zen's musicals?"

Jaehee's jaw hit the floor. "Excuse me? Just how do you know Mr. Han _and_ Zen?"

Saeran's blood turned to ice. He was so caught up trying to get her to come with him so he could keep his damn laundry hampers, he had let his censors down.

"Uh. . .I saw Zen perform once," he said quickly. "He was lame."

There was silence. Tense silence.

Jaehee's saw snapped shut and quivered as it tensed. Her voice suddenly got quiet.

"Did you just say. . .that Zen's performance was _lame_?"

"I sure did!" Saeran realized a bit too late his reply had a bit too much conviction.

Now, it was not apart of Saeran's, or Savior's, plan to make Jaehee angry during her abduction. He'd imagined it going mostly peacefully with enough threat, considering Jaehee's professional demeanor.

However, what he didn't imagine was seeing flames flare up behind Jaehee's glasses. Or for steam to blow out of her ears. He also might have saw her breasts suddenly fluctuate a size. But unfortunately, he'll never if he actually did, because that was when she grabbed his wrist.

He felt question marks appear above his head. But before he could act upon said question marks, he felt Jaehee lift him up by his arm. He let out a screech of a newborn bear having contracted strep throat during gestation as Jaehee lifted him, flipped him over, and slammed him on the ground.

He heard his body make a _thud_ on the floor, then Jaehee's front door close. He stared up at the ceiling as he felt blood roll out of the corner of his mouth. His vision blurred as it went black.

The world remained black for what could have been 6 seconds or 6 dozen millenniums, Saeran couldn't tell. But once he opened his eyes, he immediately knew where he was: in front of Savior. She was sitting in her throne, with two guards on each side.

As for how he got there, he had no idea. He would have tried guessing, but as the memories of the prior events flooded back, he remembered something far more urgent.

"Savior. . .I failed to carry out the plan. Will you take away my laundry hampers now?"

Savior chuckled. "Silly boy. You know I wouldn't do such a thing, something that would make you so unhappy. Besides, you did everything else I asked. I just. . .forgot to tell you that she has a black belt in Judo."

"A black belt in Judo?" Saeran sighed. "I'm the one that hacked into her records. . .I should have known. . ."

"Do not worry, Saeran," Savior said. "We can do without Jaehee. I will have you find another member. But before you do. . .I have another favor to ask."

"Yes, Savior?"

"I need you to lick some pussy."

". . . _What_?"

One of the guards reached behind Savior's throne and pulled out a precious Siamese kitty cat. He set it on her lap.

"I recently found this lost cat nearby our quarters. She's such a pretty thing, but so filthy. If you are loyal to me, you will lick her clean. Cats prefer tongue baths, after all."

Saeran stood speechless, eyes glued to the cat. His mind flashed back to Jumin Han giving his kitty cat a tongue bath, _voluntarily._ Now there he was, having to do the same act to prove his loyalty to Savior.

"Well, Saeran? Are you going to show me you're loyal?"

He gulped. He bit his lip. He squeezed his fist.

Then he screamed. Not like any age of bear during any stage of strep throat. Just a raw, whole-hearted scream.


End file.
